Struggle

So I would not ever admit this to anyone, but I have been struggling big time. Of course, I have been honest and updated my middle number on my WW profile, but that is about all that I have done to acknowledge my slide.  And I can't pinpoint why. I try to figure it out.

I try to take all the advice that I give everyone else. And it just is what it is.  The truth of the matter is, I just need to do it.  I can try to psycho-analyze myself and why I sabotage myself, but truthfully, that is why I pay Dr. S the big bucks. He can do that. Me, I just need to do it. Or not do it, however the case may be.  

Like Jodie likes to say, stop shoveling shit into your mouth and get off the couch. My problem is that I am so close to goal. I have always used my vanity in an attempt to stay thin, but this time, I have not been able to do that. Maybe because I have cute clothes, or ah, hell I don't know.

I am tired of having this roll around my gut thought. I guess in the past I have always needed to be at goal and thin in order to feel worthy to have a man's attention. I have since worked on my brain and self esteem and feel pretty worthy, even though I am single, I am worthy and I deserve to have what I want. I am in no rush to get into a relationship and therefore no longer associate my weight with my ability to get a man. 

Great psychological breakthrough but it really fucks with my ability to stay OP!