Early Morning Coffee

I've never really been a morning person. But there are times, and it seems like it's becoming more of a daily thing, that I get up early and just sit and have coffee. A lot of the time I reflect on my life or recent events or just sit and look around my apartment and realize I'm pretty content with my life. I mean, there is a million and one things I would change if I could, seriously, who wouldn't. Although as I sit here and think about this, I choose to be happy because yea, this isn't how I envisioned 40.

I thought that I would have a decent size house, a handful of kids (have those) and a wonderful and loving marriage. I suppose if I look at that like I would a baseball batting average, I'm not doing so bad, batting .300 or so.

The things I didn't envision. I choose to look at them in a positive light, because doing anything other than that is just, well, it's negative, makes me sad and so what's the point in that. And I can't change a lot of the things, or force them. That never works, at least in my experience it hasn't. I'm unsatisfied with the state of my relationship, but I can't do anything about it other than walking away. I'm not ready to do that so I want to just give it, him, time. It could be a case of he's just not that into you. Time will tell that too.

What can I control. I'm trying to restate every negative thought in my head into a positive one because that just makes me feel better. I can control what I eat, how many glasses of water I drink and whether I exercise my planned exercise. These are the things I can control.

I'm also looking for a second job. This debt, these credit card bills that I can't pay are weighing heavily on me. I want to be able to pay them off and I can see no other way to accomplish that. So, hopefully I can get a part time job rather quickly. Doubtful in this economy as I'm sure I'm not the only one.