History repeats itself

Doesn't it??

I'm watching a tribute to Peter, Paul, and Mary since the Mary of that trio passed away this week. For some reason, other than this, I've been bombarded with images of the 70's. I was just a little kid then, being born in '69. And my memories of course, are clouded, but I seem to remember the anti-war movement and the economy being in the shitter (I don't care Bernanke says, we are still there) I look at the people in these 70's clips and wonder if they felt the way we do. They must have, I remember the newscasts. I remember way the world was. I guess the biggest difference is back then it was just the Soviets that we had to be afraid of and now, well, it's not a nation state so much as the ever present "terrorism." The face of which is Osama. How about the asian nations ? Was it like this back then? Are my memories clouded by childhood? Or is it that I'm now an adult and of course it seems worse to me now.

My parents say it's worse now, but that at the time it felt just as bad? I suppose that these are rhetorical questions. Because if any of us had the answers we would be in D.C. and have a chance at the nomination of a Nobel Prize.

And I always go back to, I wonder how different this world would be if the person who won in 2000 was able to actually be the President.

The birthday party yesterday was awesome!! I see that Shy will definitely have to switch gyms when she gets older if she continues the path of gymnastics. One of that gyms girls made the Nationals in Texas this year. The only one in the entire South Florida area. I feel like Kim in Ms Saigon, "I'll give my life for you." Which I would, for this kid. For her to reach her dreams. Happily.

In food and weight loss, I lost 2.2 pounds his week. Yea me. I really didn't do anything except curb the nighttime eating. This is really quite motivating. To quote Rocky, "it's what you do when life smacks you done that matters. Not when or whether you get smacked. Keep moving forward." Ok, maybe that wasn't the exact quote but I think you get the idea.

I'm off to enjoy my Sunday.

Saturday, sleepy Saturday

I fell asleep watching tv last night. Before 11p. Which is odd for me, but I guess I just needed the extra sleep. Unfortunately, my neck wasn't in the best position and now it is a little sore. I'm working it out though.

Today, we have chore morning and then a birthday party from 2p-4p. It's for Shy, but J has a birthday party to go to as well, so I'll drop him off and pick him up later. I'll go to the grocery store after the party and figure out my weekly meals.

I know it sounds boring, but I love being home and doing domestic things. By the end of the day, my house will have the fresh clean smell, the laundry will be done and food will have been prepared. It's slightly rainy so that will be a good time to watch a dvd or read. I think I'll watch Rocky Balboa for my Saturday movie night.

I went to the library yesterday and a lot of my books came in at once. I hate when that happens. But at least, hopefully, I can renew them. I've got The Book Thief, The Graveyard, a couple of books on writing, a book of poems by Elizabeth and Robert Browning, a book of poems by Langston Hughes, and John Adams by David McCullough. I know I'll want to own this book, but I wanted to start reading it. I also really, really, really want the HBO miniseries on DVD. Can someone please mention this to my mother?

It's my Friday Bitchez!!

It's really Thursday, but since I don't have to go to work tomorrow it's my Friday. Yee Haw!! So what excitement do I have planned. hah! not too much, I'll tell you that. I'm going to play a stay at home mom and drop the kiddos off at school. Plan my meals for the week. Grocery shop. Head to a library book sale and then take Anthony to Cheesecake to apply for a job. I hope he gets it. He's been down lately. Then it's time to pick the kiddos up and head home.

I'm not sure what we will wind up doing after I get them from school, but I do know one thing. I am not cooking dinner. I'll have to figure that out later as well. I'll be sure to have to plan something fun with Shy.

The weekend has me taking the kids to birthday parties. Oh, yea, and I plan on exercising sometime this weekend. Soon. Really. I will.

Fantasy Island

That must be the world that the Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke is living. The Recession is over??? Really?? Ya think? Not so much in my world buddy.

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful and blessed to have the job I have and I haven't lost my job. But I know so many who have and the rising prices etc still eat up a lot of my income.

Well, I'm glad good ol' Ben thinks the recession is over. Maybe some should yell at him, "you lie".

I play the victim?? Really??

According to Dr K, that's what I think of myself. Oh, it's something that's been perpetuated since childhood and apparently a source of my emotional eating. The ironic part here is that I can not stand, can. not. stand. people who play the victim. It's infuriating to me when people have the "poor me" attitude or lack accountability. Apparently, mine is deep rooted and obviously covered up by my swagger but it's there nonetheless.

So, what am I going to do about it.

Change my attitude. And work on forgiving myself. I know, if I'm honest about it, I do think at times, "I screwed up", "I won't find anyone so why bother", when I'm pretending that I don't care about relationships. I don't, but I see now, that it isn't for the right reasons. My children are the world to me, but that doesn't mean that I need to put myself on the back burner and not care about myself, because there can be a balance. I can take care of myself and take care of them at the same time.

I've also discovered that I have various facets of my personality. Well, don't we all?? And I don't mean Sybil like facets but I definitely don't feel like the victim. I know that there are times when I am a total hard ass. Also times where I'm a total mushpot. Is that a word?? It is now.

Anyway, I realize this is a lot to take in, hah, for you and for me. My homework this week, forgive myself for not doing/being what I imagined I would be. And for the life I don't have, but rather be grateful for the things I do have.

That and move my ass. Oops, I almost called myself a fat ass, none of that now. I have to be kind to myself. And my moving my butt, I'll accomplish that. Going running/walking today after work.

Saturday in the park

If it doesn't rain again, that is.

Saturday morning is for chores though. Lots of boring chores. Then, I'm heading over to the big library sale with the kids. I get great book sales from our library that way. I'm a bookworm, as you may know, so this is a really cheap and easy way to pick up some great book deals. Plus the kids love to go to the library to get books and movies.

I'll take the girl to the park if it isn't raining although, I just remembered that she has an event at her gym tonight at 630p. I'll probably skip the park today then since we have to go to that.

I'll also head to the grocery store and plan out my meals for the week. I've got the tools I need to succeed, I just need to use them. Implement what's in my head into my day to day life. I'm not letting the number on the scale define me. For the first time ever. I'm also tired of feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, literally and figuratively. It's time to make that change. It's not an all or nothing thing with me. I realize that it's going to take time and that like a child who learns how to walk by taking little steps that I too will have to take little steps along this path that is my life. Rather than ask for help in dealing with the cravings and munchies, I don't want to have them at all. Is it mind over matter? At this point, I'm not sure. I just know that I've come to a place where I really want to be healthy. I'm not getting any younger and this body, imperfect as it is has served me well these 40 years. I'd like it to serve me a lot longer.

My children deserve one parent who will be able to keep up with them. That's me. I will be right there by their side. And by doing so, will teach them the way to eat, the way to live and the way to be happy with themselves.

In other related kid news, Shy can read. Really read. She read Green Eggs and Ham all by herself last night. Maybe she'll start a book review blog.

TGIF BITCHEZ doesn't seem right today

Oh, I'm happy it's Friday, but on Sept 11th I have misgivings writing something like that as my status. This is the day 8 years that changed the course of our history. The changes have been subtle, and some not so subtle. I wonder however, what course we would have had if the winner of the 2000 Presidential election had actually been the President in 2001. Since we elected someone and the Supreme Court appointed someone else the world will never know. Reminds me of those old Tootsie Pop commercials with the owl. But that's the reality.

Instead, here we are 8 years later fighting a war that was supposed to be over in 6 weeks. Why? Well, I've recently learned that why is a very negative type question. We should be asking ourselves what do we want instead. And that is...

not what we have. I want to bring our boys home. I want the change that we voted for. I want the majority of Americans to think as I do. Sadly, that is not the case. Those of you who disagree with me probably don't think it's sad at all. Like I've always said, I am sure that we have more commonalities than differences and I would like to focus on that.