Acceptance of myself through others

It's another week, and I'll start again today. Start changing my lifestyle, how I eat. Listen to my body and give it the fuel that it needs, not eat out of nervous energy to stuff my emotions. My mom said that to me yesterday, that as she observed me eating, it looked like nervous energy. It was good to hear that actually, because it put a visual to the feelings and emotions I go through. As I weighed in, I am up again. Two more pounds and I am not surprised. I'm also not freaking out about it. In actuality, I think I'm finally able to let this weight go. To release it the right way. It's been giving me the perspective of my life that I need. I've mentioned before how I feel that whenever I've been really thin that my priorities weren't in order. I think that they are in order for the first time in a very long time, years in fact.

It's really about the way you eat and how you live life. I said something to my daughter yesterday that my mom said that she really likes the way I said it to her. She, my daughter, had said she was finished with dinner and I said, are you satisfied? My 6 year old then says, what does that mean? And I answer, "not hungry." Did you get that?? Not hungry. That's what we need to eat to, not full. But satisfied, which means not hungry. And this was something that I really want her to learn. My mom said that she really liked the way that conversation went, because I am showing her, at a very young age, how to eat and how to feel about food. And that is, not feelings at all. It's fuel that we eat for energy. I need to remember this.

Of course, my daughter has been instrumental in my learning how to accept and love myself and not be so self critical. I love her unconditionally and the emotions are so strong for her. This is how I need to think of myself. I've realized that. I teach her and she makes mistakes but I don't think horrible things about her because of this. I don't, instead, I want to use those opportunities to teach her to grow and improve herself. Well, then, why can't I...no change that, why don't I treat myself that way. I'm not sure of the why, but what I do know is that I am and have been treating myself that way.

Wow, this was a long post, but one that I needed to get out. I look forward to each and every day as they are really gifts. Enjoy each moment.

In other random news, I'm going to start reading The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins as part of a Dystopia YA challenge on Books on the Nightstand podcast and blog that I follow. (See my blogroll, they are there).

Sleepy Saturday

I have to be up at the crack of dawn to take Shy to a gymnastics competition. I'm yawning, but continue reading Await Your Reply.

Had a fun day with the kids and my Mom, who is down visiting strictly to see Shy compete tomorrow. I'll be sure to update when I get home what her scores were. We hit the book stores today and I picked up Vincent Bugliosi's tome on the Kennedy Assassination. John's that is. This book is huge, but according to the flap summary and the TOC, it covers every aspect of the case and what is and isn't true. This is a book to keep. I'll read bits of it at a time, I'm sure, since it's so large.

Then Shy and I went to the library since our libraries are now closed on Sundays and we won't have an opportunity to go as was our routine. I guess Sat library visits are now going to be the norm. I got some vegetarian cookbooks and a chick lit book on Sex and the City that came in.

I've also heard murmuring that The Girl Who Kicked Hornets will be out in 2010. I hope so as I feel like The Girl Who Played With Fire left me hanging. I mean, who survives a bullet to the brain?? Well, I guess if it a bibi gun (which is what I'm going with) then I suppose it was possible.

In other completely random and unrelated news, I'm so excited that Brett Musberger is giving Randy Shannon props on ABC and the game, Hurricanes vs. Oklahoma. It looks like OK is going to score. Ugh, I've got to get to bed since I've got to be up so early.

Pop Psychology from General Hospital

Right, so I can hear you now. "Oh God, don't tell me her blog post is going to be about GH." You have to listen to me go on and on about GH on a regular basis if you follow me on twitter or facebook. Seriously though. Yesterday, Dom/Dante (I don't know the actor's name off the top of my head) said something to Lulu (Julie Berman) that resonated with me. So much so that I mentioned it to my therapist today. And it was definitely something I needed to hear.

Let me set it up for those of you who don't watch this fabulous show (you really should check it out, ya, I know it's a soap, but it's really well done) I digress. Maxi and Spinelli just had their Non-Wedding and everyone was at Jake's (the local bar) at the reception. Lulu (Luke and Laura's daughter. Surely you know who Luke and Laura are. They are the stuff of legends) was talking to Dante/Dom about how great it was to see how happy Maxie and Spinelli were and how she is Maxie's best friend and is so happy for them, but wonders if it is possible for her. If she will ever find someone for her. This is something that I often wonder for myself. I'm always going back and forth as to whether there is someone out there for me. And usually I wind up thinking, why can't I find what they (generic happy couple) have. Lulu said the same thing to Dominic/Dante. "When is it going to be my turn. When will I have what they have?" And his response to her was something I need to remember.

"You won't ever have what they have. You'll have what you have."

It bears repeating, "you'll have what you have." And that is what we are supposed to have.

I need to remember this. I don't need what they have. I need what I need, what I have.

Rainy Days and Mondays

Well, they don't always get me down. Especially since I don't have to work this particular Monday. Went to the grocery store and planned out some great, simple meals for the week. I'm feeling strong about being on plan. This has to come from within, and I'm finally at a place where it is. The changes within are finally manifesting themselves on the outside. No, I haven't lost weight yet, but I suppose you have to begin with day and pound one, right?

I'm making spaghetti and whole wheat pasta for the kids today. I'll have whole wheat pasta salad that I've made with tuna. Pictures to follow.

In other important news, Shy had her first gymnastics competition yesterday and she won second place in the balance beam. Whoo Hoo!! I was so proud of her. She medaled 9th overall.

Olympics 2020 here we come!

Banned Books Week

Banned Books week began yesterday. I borrowed this from April's site

Banned Books Week Proclamation

WHEREAS, the freedom to read is essential to our democracy, and reading is among our greatest freedoms; and

WHEREAS, privacy is essential to the exercise of that freedom, and the right to privacy is the right to open inquiry without having the subject of one's interest examined or scrutinized by others; and

WHEREAS, the freedom to read is protected by our Constitution; and

WHEREAS some individuals, groups, and public authorities work to remove or limit access to reading materials, to censor content in schools, to label "controversial" views, to distribute lists of "objectionable" books or authors, and to purge libraries of materials reflecting the diversity of society; and

WHEREAS, both governmental intimidation and the fear of censorship cause authors who seek to avoid controversy to practice self-censorship, thus limiting our access to new ideas; and

WHEREAS, every silencing of a heresy, every enforcement of an orthodoxy, diminishes the toughness and resilience of American society and leaves it less able to deal with controversy and difference; and

WHEREAS, Americans still favor free enterprise in ideas and expression, and can be trusted to exercise critical judgment, to recognize propaganda and misinformation, and to make their own decisions about what they read and believe, and to exercise the responsibilities that accompany this freedom; and

WHEREAS, intellectual freedom is essential to the preservation of a free society and a creative culture; and

WHEREAS, conformity limits the range and variety of inquiry and expression on which our democracy and our culture depend; and

WHEREAS, the American Library Association's Banned Books Week: Celebrating the Freedom to Read is observed during the last week of September each year as a reminder to Americans not to take their precious freedom for granted; and

WHEREAS, Banned Books Week celebrates the freedom to choose or the freedom to express one's opinion even if that opinion might be considered unorthodox or unpopular and stresses the importance of ensuring the availability of those unorthodox or unpopular viewpoints to all who wish to read them; now, therefore, be it

RESOLVED, that the Good Books & Good Wine blog celebrates the American Library Association's Banned Books Week, September 26th through October 3rd, and be it further

RESOLVED, that the Good Books & Good Wine blog encourages all libraries and bookstores to acquire and make available materials representative of all the people in our society; and be it further

RESOLVED, that the Good Books & Good Wine blog encourages free people to read freely, now and forever.

I just finished reading this book. It continues the story of Lisbeth Salander and Mikeal Blomkvist that I read in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Both were excellent. However, there were time that I found myself shaking my head in disbelief. Salander felt as if she were all alone against the world, which is actually something Blomkvist says towards the end of the book. I thought this pages before he actually says it and I have to say I found her cynicism a bit much.

I also found the ending not satisfying at all. But perhaps, that is the point. Knowing thought that there is only one more book to come, I sincerely hope that the story gets wrapped up. Although, I can and will as I'm sure others will make up my own ending, ala the Sopranos.

In other unrelated new, I realize that the title of my blog doesn't relate anymore to what I write about. It should, and I feel guilty about it from time to time. Although, I went to buy clothes on yesterday and having had an unsuccessful outing (read nothing fit) I decided that I can't go on treating myself this way. I'm a good person, and I have a good soul. Who doesn't deserve to live the way I've been living. I guess I've finally accepted myself for who I am. I'm not a victim, I'm just me. And I don't want to eat like crap anymore. That's the way I've been eating and not at all what I meant when I titled this blog. So, I'm done with that. Truly.

I rode the bike for 30 min today.

Chore Day Saturday

I'm actually almost done with the chores. I just have left the laundry. We will be returning some things to the library and then church later. Probably have a coffee and B&N afterwards. Yea, I know I don't need anymore books, but I like to go and have coffee and be around the books. THis is better than having and getting more books.

And then tomorrow is the big day!!! Shy has her first gymnastics competition. I can't wait. She's been practicing hard and is definitely ready. Pictures and videos to follow.

And I decided on reading The Graveyard Book. I'm about halfway through and I'm sure to finish it by tonight. It's really cute so far. Odd to say a book about ghosts and graveyards is cute, but well, there it is.

For some reason my bank's website keeps freezing up when I try to log on. Maybe they are trying to tell me something :)

oh yea, and Hurricane football at 3:30pm. Definitely will need to keep an eye on that. Have a great Sat everyone!