So, what am I going to do about it.
Change my attitude. And work on forgiving myself. I know, if I'm honest about it, I do think at times, "I screwed up", "I won't find anyone so why bother", when I'm pretending that I don't care about relationships. I don't, but I see now, that it isn't for the right reasons. My children are the world to me, but that doesn't mean that I need to put myself on the back burner and not care about myself, because there can be a balance. I can take care of myself and take care of them at the same time.
I've also discovered that I have various facets of my personality. Well, don't we all?? And I don't mean Sybil like facets but I definitely don't feel like the victim. I know that there are times when I am a total hard ass. Also times where I'm a total mushpot. Is that a word?? It is now.
Anyway, I realize this is a lot to take in, hah, for you and for me. My homework this week, forgive myself for not doing/being what I imagined I would be. And for the life I don't have, but rather be grateful for the things I do have.
That and move my ass. Oops, I almost called myself a fat ass, none of that now. I have to be kind to myself. And my moving my butt, I'll accomplish that. Going running/walking today after work.