Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Dinner was easy. Bubble Up Pizza Casserole with some broccoli thrown in. The kids loved it. I used TVP in lieu of the ground beef. And reduced fat biscuits. You can find the recipe on Heather's site.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
It’s amazing to me how they can get away with something that is illegal and unethical. And me, the small man on the totem pole has to be David to their Goliath. I feel like Don Quixote at times. Wow, two literary analogies in one paragraph. I must work on that. Perhaps I’m looking at this the wrong way. This enables me to concentrate on what I really want to do and that is write.
My breakfast today was a replay of yesterday minus the eggs and spinach
Well, the good news is our VP of HR is willing to write a letter to Keiser along with my CFO stating that they did indeed prepay my classes. The Dr Evil Incarnate has said that he would be willing to re-consider his decision if they did this.
I had a great lunch. The company more so that the food. Went to Moe’s and I had the vegetarian quesadilla. I DI NOT EAT THE TORTILLA CHIPS!!!!! This was huge, because I started to mindlessly nibble on them as I was talking with my friend and caught myself after like two. Then we went to Border’s because I needed to get Mansfield Park for my Face-Book club. I got that and this:
I paid $20 for the whole lot of them, so how could I resist. Dr. K may have something to say about it, but still. It’s better than eating the tortilla chips. A couple of them are just books that look to be in the genre that I enjoy. One of them is a book about NASCAR and I’ve wanted to read it for quite some time now. The other, The Family Fortune has on the cover, “a radiant re-telling of Jane Austen’s Persuasion. How in the world could I resist that when it only cost me $3. Besides, I cleared out a shopping bag full of books from my shelves. So, I do have the room. I also resisted getting the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I have wanted to read that book for some time now and two people while I was paying was telling me HOW good that book is. Oy. Maybe my used book store will have it. They sell the books for ½ off the list price. If not, I’ll wait until Border’s gets a 40% coupon. Ooh, but I did just find it on Amazon for $8. Free shipping if I spend $25 or more. I shall deliberate over the weekend. Actually, I’ll see if I can find it for cheaper and if so, then I will get it, if not then sold to Amazon. Er, purchased from. Never mind the auctioneer metaphor doesn’t really fit here.
OMG!!! I just looked up the NI for my quesadilla. Thank fricken God I only ate of that. How the hell was that thing 600 calories. Are you fucking kidding me?????
*****PSA ALERT***** Look up the NI BEFORE you order and eat you r lunch.
I’ll be having celery and carrots sticks for dinner thank you very much to Moe the Bastard.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
I’m going to make an effort to eat unprocessed foods. And in the spirit of this I have a completely different breakfast than yesterday. I had a bagel and coffee yesterday. I know that this doesn’t satisfy me, and yet, I’m still drawn to the yeasty chewy baked good. I add a little butter spritz and some sugar free orange marmalade. I enjoy it, but if I’m honest with myself, it totally doesn’t really satisfy me after I’ve finished it and it definitely doesn’t hold me until lunch time. That breakfast clocks in at 400 calories (including the creamer in my coffee).
It’ll be a relatively quiet and slow day at work since the bosses are in back to back meetings literally all day. I don’t actually enjoy it when my day is slow as it tends to drag on and on. A slow and quiet day also amplifies the not-so-dulcet tones of my neighbor. Apparently, she missed the memo on how to use your inside voice in an office setting. Perhaps there is a seminar out there for this. For those of you who know me IRL, I know you are sitting there thinking, Hello Pot, kettle much?? But truly, at work, I’ve focused on speaking in a low tone as I don’t want the world to know my business. That’s what this blog is for.
I’m also midway through the summer and have yet to consistently wake at 5a and go for a walk. Hell, I’ve yet to consistently do anything other than clean, read and spend time with the kiddos. Not that those are bad things to be consistent on, I’ve just got to get moving in the morning. I did decide that I’m definitely going to listen to those two podcasts I talked about in the morning. Which means that my early morning exercise is either going to be a walk for an hour or a bike ride for an hour. Either are great choices. If I can just get myself out of bed and out the door.
Something else that came to me the other day, Ex BF did me a tremendous favor by breaking up. Honestly, I was, as I usually do, putting myself on the backburner for the sake of the relationship, not that anyone was asking me to, I just do this and I don’t want to be that person anymore. I got myself in motion and am awaiting notification if my transcripts situation is going to be cleared up. I should know by tomorrow. If so, then I’m going to be eligible to register for school in Aug. HUZZAH!!! I know I still have a long road, but so what. This time is going to pass anyway.
So, I’ve come up with a new game plan. Rather than constantly butting my head against the wall of not snacking at night while I’m watching tv, I’m going to try and live within my patterns and use them for positive gain. If I’m struggling and fighting eating at night, then let’s delay dinner until then. I’ll delay my snack at work until 430p. I never eat a big, heavy dinner so rather than eating immediately upon getting home, I’m going to settle in and exercise, ride bike etc. Spend time with the kids. And when I sit down to watch tv at 830-9p then I’ll eat dinner. I realize that many “experts” will be uber-critical of this strategy but I don’t really give a rat’s ass. This is my journey. If I can take what is and has been a negative behavior and somehow switch it so that it becomes positive (eating with my caloric limits) then that’s what I’ll do. I’ve never been conventional so why start now.
I’m really excited to try this out as I’ve been monitoring and analyzing my behavior patterns and actually using that to make improvements and find solutions feels very productive and positive to me.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Even negative behavior has a positive intent behind it. So if the two forces within ourselves, the “I’m going to exercise and be fit and healthy and thin” persona and the “but this food is a comfort and I deserve a break” are at constant odds, find out what the positive intent is behind the persona that is keeping me fat. That has me under exercise and not eat properly. What is that positive intent? What could I be benefiting from, even if I don’t realize it.
For me, at least this is what I came up with was that its keeping me a better mom. I have absolutely no desire to go out and do anything adult related when I’m at this weight. And eating and staying home are ways to ensure that I spend time with my children. I see how my 17 year old was and is so resentful of the time I was doing single stuff when he was 12-14 and I don’t want the same issues with my middle child. Maybe I’m afraid that if I lose this weight and get thin again the call to go out and have fun will be too much to resist and I’ll just repeat the same pattern with my middle child. So maybe in a subconscious way I’m self sabotaging so I can be a better mother.
I’ll have to figure out a way to substitute this behavior. So maybe I’ll include him on my exercise jaunts, since he needs to lose weight as well. I’ll also institute Jon and me time so that he can get one on one with me.
I’ve managed to finish all of my chores, except the daily load of laundry. So, I’ll have this entire Sunday to rest and relax. I’ve got an almost empty checking account since payday isn’t until Wednesday, so it’ll be a low spend kind of Sunday. I’ll spend some time with the kids, go to the pool or play a little tennis later. I’ve also got some meals to prepare for the upcoming week. Shrimp and feta is on the menu as is a grilled corn and tomato salad. I made vegetable soup yesterday and have wheatberries on hand to toss into my oatmeal, yogurt and soup. I’ve also GOT to make smoothies, I have SO much frozen food in the freezer.
I got up and walked 60 min today. Which is really nothing, but it’s what I felt like doing. So, I did it. While listening to a podcast, Fat2FitRadio, one of the things that they mentioned when it comes to self sabotage was that it was because we felt that we didn’t deserve to be thin. Since Lois is the Queen of beating me up, I imagine that I’ve got some of that going on internally as well.
Lots to think about. I’m off to have coffee., and I’m not yet hungry for breakfast.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
I got up and ran, well walked/ran today and it felt good to do. I also kind of forced myself to eat breakfast because by 930a I still wasn’t hungry but I didn’t want to let this throw my “schedule” off AND I know that you are supposed to eat breakfast.
I had cereal that I’m trying to finish up because I’m not just trying to eat healthy and normally, but I’m also trying to do it on a budget. Breakfast is going to be the box of cereal that I have until it’s finished. I only had a half of a gallon of milk left and my kids can go through that in a day so I didn’t want to use it, but I did notice that I had some blueberries that I had defrosted as well as a vanilla ff yogurt and that was breakfast along with my coffee. This week I’ve been using espresso in my regular coffee maker. It was on sale and it makes a really tasty coffee. The flavors are strong and there’s depth to it but it isn’t too strong or bitter which has been the case for me for some of the stronger finer grinds, especially starbucks.
I’ve already cleaned both baths, vacuumed and finished the laundry. This means I get to relax the rest of the weekend. Whoo Hoooo
I’ve been listening to this podcast as I walk/run called Inside Out Weight Loss and I find that it’s been great therapy for me. She focuses on the internal, the mental and the emotional aspect of why we are overweight and how we can overcome ourselves to become the person we want to be. I agree with most of what she says except I need and want to be ok with me and who I am regardless of the number on the scale.
In any event, many of her lessons are quite relevant and I’ve been doing the exercises that she prescribes. Today it was seeing and stepping into the person that you want to be. And trying to reconcile the fact that you won’t and can’t eat donuts and sit on the coach and become that person. Those things just don’t work hand in hand together. In addition to this visualization exercise today she wanted us to try to feel in our center WHY we haven’t become this person. Because if we wanted to be that person with all of our being then we would be that person. Obviously, there is something within me that is holding me back. That was the homework, to try and determine WHAT holds us back. It’s in there, in our center, not our foot or hand. She literally recommends that we feel what part of our body is holding us back and identifying that emotion that emanates from that body part. It can’t be a hand or foot because our emotions come from our center. AND if we think its our hand or foot, this, according to her theory, shows us how disconnected we are with our emotions and we need to really think about what it is that holds us back. Is it fear? Is it as simple as that we want to have a party in our mouth and don’t want to give that up? Or do we overeat for some emotional reason? Comfort, sadness or anger? Or is it that we are just wired by our mom, grandmother etc that food equals acceptance.
I’ve found so far that I’ve got a combination going on inside of me. I definitely don’t eat when I’m sad, I’ve discovered that much. I’ve also discovered some other patterns. I’d like to work on the resolving of these issues at some time and enough with the discovery process..
One other thing that she mentioned was that there are people who believe that if we didn’t have this particular problem, we would just have a different problem, because people always have issues, right? I don’t know about that, I just know that I’ve become more accepting of who I am. And yes, there is always going to be something, but it doesn’t mean that it’s a crisis.
I’ve brought up a lot of questions, I’d love to hear what your thoughts are for you on these.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Ok, it wasn't. But I couldn't think of anything witty and clever to write. My breakfast. It was pretty good, but I discovered that yet again, cereal does not fill me up. However, I think I may have discovered (ok, discovered for me) one of the best flavor combinations ever to pass by my taste buds. Blueberry and banana. Wow, it was seriously a party in my mouth. The banana looked spotted but it was ok inside. Hope my grandfather went and bought some more though, because I'm sure that by tomorrow they will be too brown to eat. I don't like them all that ripe.