About Me

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About me, always hard to put into words a description about myself. We always see ourselves differently than others do. My likes: I love sports, all kinds. Especially NASCAR and baseball. Yea, strange I know, a bleeding heart liberal who likes NASCAR and country music. But here I am. I also am profoundly proud of the relationship that I have with my children and my family. They made me who I am today. Pink is my favorite color. I like all kinds of music, except perhaps rap. I am a rabid NPR listener and love my doggie. I work full time, am a semi-vegetarian, a voracious reader and a wanna be writer. Doing all that I do in the beautiful South Florida sunshine.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Self Confidence

I vacillated on which blog to post this on.  I decided that since it involves friends I made through WW and body image I would post it on here. It is suffice to say that once you have been overweight, when you lose the weight you don't always lose the fat girl mentality. That being, for me, I have to give in sexually in order to have a guy like me, because surely they can't find me attractive and therefore, that IS the only way for me to capture their interest.

Well, thanks to my ever so wise friends J & J, no, you know what, it isn't. I have confidence about my abilities in all other aspects of my life. My job, oh hell yea, I have confidence there. It is where I feel the most confident and comfortable.  My family status, I love my crazy fucked up family more than ever, especially now that I am more accepting of everyone, including my own, flaws.  My love life/relationship.....that is a  work in progress, but being in therapy for two years, I have definitely made some improvements.  But as Jodie said, Great relationships don't start out being sexual, they just don't. Regrettable situations certainly do. And that made me reexamine my past. All of my relationships have started out quickly in the sex area. Part of it is that I am comfortable with my sexuality and am older, but I KNOW I am not comfortable with my body image, so why rush things. If there is to be sex involved, let it be after I am comfortable with said person, because then I can be sure that it is me that they are attracted to and not just a couple of fucks.  Because again, as I was wisely told, I am worth more than that.  

I would rather be alone with my self respect. Honestly. And like I said the other day, if I don't believe it, well then practice and repetition.  I will get there eventually.  I am sure that she doesn't realize it, but Jodie is in my head, in a good way all the time. I don't know, truly what I would do without her (and several others that live no where near me) friendship.  I am  a better person today because of it.

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