It's been awhile

It's been awhile since I've written. And a lot has happened. But no one really reads this, and Facebook notes aren't where I can be totally open and honest and for some reason I feel like I need a safe place to write about my struggles.

Because I'm struggling. And I have been. Since the 1/2 in February I ran I haven't exercised and I haven't eaten properly. I guess I really wasn't eating all that great before the 1/2 either, BUT when you are running 20 miles a week and you are burning hundreds of calories a day then I suppose the eating is not too big a deal. It does explain why I didn't lose and only maintained when I was in training.

Anyway, a lot has happened since I last wrote. First, as you gathered from above, I ran a 1/2 marathon. I also have a boyfriend. A really great guy who I went to high school with.

But my sister is still gone. And I miss her. I can't seem to find a way to channel this grief. So instead, I go through periods of either starving myself or shoving food in my face. I haven't gotten to the place where I am going to purge but I've thought of it.

YES, I am seeing a therapist. I just started and she specializes in Eating Disorders so I am hopeful that I will be able to realize what and why I eat rather than try to just lose the weight. I need to know what the problem is, I know what the symptom is.

So hopefully posting here will help. Me, but if it helps one of you then so much the better.