Today's my. The day I begin with my resolutions etc. If I do, then I'll be down at least 10-20 pounds. As I've mentioned, I've come to realize the reasons that I eat at night. It's not just a , but rather my own defeatism as well as Lois. You remember Lois right? The name I gave to my alternate self that always puts me down. I would kick Lois' ass if she talked to my friends like that, so why do I let her talk about me like that.
I've been visualizing myself through my daughter's eyes and have found that it's been an eye opener. She thinks I am beautiful and loves me unconditionally regardless of what I weigh. I know that eventually, I will truly believe that I am worthy. Actually, you know what, I am. I'm not going to throw the pity party for myself anymore. I'm worthy of happiness right now. The number on the scale doesn't define that. It won't ever again.
However, I do need to lose weight, first and foremost to get within my healthy weight range. I am not going to obsess on one number, but rather what the healthy range is and get to that. By eating and acting like the healthy and thin person I want to be. She's in there, I just have to let her out.
I am happy to report that I didn't eat anything after dinner. No snack. Yes, re-read that. It says I had no snack. And according to Dr. Oz a 24 hour fast is a good way to cleanse yourself of impurities in a natural and healthy way, not using harmful chemicals and expensive products that you see marketed all the time. I chose today to do that. I have to admit to drinking coffee with milk in it, because I would be useless if I didn't have my coffee. Hey! Leave it at that. One demon at a time ok. I'll get to eat dinner since that will have completed my 24 hour cycle. It's 430p as I write this and I will admit to not feeling quite right. Let's just say I'm counting down until I get to eat again. I needed to to do this exercise for a couple of reasons. Mainly though, I wanted to feel real hunger. I wanted to know and to show myself that hunger is NOT an emergency. (yes, I've stolen this from The Beck Diet Solution and one of her exercises). And I needed to prove this to myself.
I'll finishing up at the job, where thankfully this one individual who doesn't thrill me has been particularly busy today and after a rocky morning has settled down for the day. I'm leaving here, stopping at the library to renew some DVDs that I checked out. (Devil Wear's Prada,Mad Money, Nanny Diaries) I'm getting Shy from Nanny's. I was going to stop at Target and get that done tonight, but I'm not feeling like shopping right now. I'll be heading straight home to heat up my veggie mix and chicken (again, yes, I'm eating chicken) and maybe having it with some quinoa pilaf. I'm also going to have a green monster (no, I STILL haven't tried those) for a snack tonight, if I need one. Probably I won't, so maybe that will be breakfast tomorrow. Either way, I'm busting out the camera. It's time to document all of my food. I mean, it is my January resolution afterall.