About Me

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About me, always hard to put into words a description about myself. We always see ourselves differently than others do. My likes: I love sports, all kinds. Especially NASCAR and baseball. Yea, strange I know, a bleeding heart liberal who likes NASCAR and country music. But here I am. I also am profoundly proud of the relationship that I have with my children and my family. They made me who I am today. Pink is my favorite color. I like all kinds of music, except perhaps rap. I am a rabid NPR listener and love my doggie. I work full time, am a semi-vegetarian, a voracious reader and a wanna be writer. Doing all that I do in the beautiful South Florida sunshine.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Sunday Restful Sunday

Positive Intent

Even negative behavior has a positive intent behind it. So if the two forces within ourselves, the “I’m going to exercise and be fit and healthy and thin” persona and the “but this food is a comfort and I deserve a break” are at constant odds, find out what the positive intent is behind the persona that is keeping me fat. That has me under exercise and not eat properly. What is that positive intent? What could I be benefiting from, even if I don’t realize it.

For me, at least this is what I came up with was that its keeping me a better mom. I have absolutely no desire to go out and do anything adult related when I’m at this weight. And eating and staying home are ways to ensure that I spend time with my children. I see how my 17 year old was and is so resentful of the time I was doing single stuff when he was 12-14 and I don’t want the same issues with my middle child. Maybe I’m afraid that if I lose this weight and get thin again the call to go out and have fun will be too much to resist and I’ll just repeat the same pattern with my middle child. So maybe in a subconscious way I’m self sabotaging so I can be a better mother.

I’ll have to figure out a way to substitute this behavior. So maybe I’ll include him on my exercise jaunts, since he needs to lose weight as well. I’ll also institute Jon and me time so that he can get one on one with me.

I’ve managed to finish all of my chores, except the daily load of laundry. So, I’ll have this entire Sunday to rest and relax. I’ve got an almost empty checking account since payday isn’t until Wednesday, so it’ll be a low spend kind of Sunday. I’ll spend some time with the kids, go to the pool or play a little tennis later. I’ve also got some meals to prepare for the upcoming week. Shrimp and feta is on the menu as is a grilled corn and tomato salad. I made vegetable soup yesterday and have wheatberries on hand to toss into my oatmeal, yogurt and soup. I’ve also GOT to make smoothies, I have SO much frozen food in the freezer.

I got up and walked 60 min today. Which is really nothing, but it’s what I felt like doing. So, I did it. While listening to a podcast, Fat2FitRadio, one of the things that they mentioned when it comes to self sabotage was that it was because we felt that we didn’t deserve to be thin. Since Lois is the Queen of beating me up, I imagine that I’ve got some of that going on internally as well.

Lots to think about. I’m off to have coffee., and I’m not yet hungry for breakfast.

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