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About me, always hard to put into words a description about myself. We always see ourselves differently than others do. My likes: I love sports, all kinds. Especially NASCAR and baseball. Yea, strange I know, a bleeding heart liberal who likes NASCAR and country music. But here I am. I also am profoundly proud of the relationship that I have with my children and my family. They made me who I am today. Pink is my favorite color. I like all kinds of music, except perhaps rap. I am a rabid NPR listener and love my doggie. I work full time, am a semi-vegetarian, a voracious reader and a wanna be writer. Doing all that I do in the beautiful South Florida sunshine.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

well, that's an about face

I've had absolutely no appetite today.

I had about 1 cup of potatoes and an egg for breakfast, popcorn and a latte for lunch and a peanut butter sandwich for dinner.

Not exactly meeting all of the healthy guidelines am I. Well, I did have spinach with my potatoes.

And so many run through my mind right now. I went to see that movie UP. You know, the Disney 3D new one. Well, all I can say is I am glad that a lot of it went over my daughters head. This movie, an animated movie, has left me on the verge of tears and extremely upset all day long. I guess it's not so much the movie but the premise behind it. And the overwhelming sadness that the Carl feels when Ellie dies. To have someone love you that much, be your partner in all things, well, that is truly amazing. Now, don't get me wrong, my kids give me unconditional love, even the eldest. And that love they have for me, well, it's truly amazing. But I want someone to share my life with. My happy times, to be with me during the sad times, but I also want to be that someone that gives that happiness and comfort. I don't think it's too much to ask.

On one of those stupid FB quizzes one of the questions is, "Do you believe in love?" (Feel free to read that line ala Huey Lewis circa 1981). I answered yes, but as time goes by I wonder if it is true. Is love something that we believe exists because the entertainment industry (and literary world for that matter) tells us it does, or do they produce the works of art based on love that actually happens and is real? I'm starting to think that it's the former. Either that, or men and women are fundamentally different. I used to think it was me, and spent many years in therapy. Well, what I've come to realize is that therapy has helped me understand and deal with the experiences, usually negative, that I've had.

I used to believe that when you weren't looking for it, then it would appear. And it seemed to me that I had actually experienced that. I guess time is the only thing that will tell if that is the case.

And therein lies my problem. I have no patience. For pretty much anything.

Maybe I should just watch sad movies every day. If nothing else, they help control my appetite.

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