Weigh In Day

Is Thursdays for me. I changed it. I don't know why, a couple of weeks ago. And I am down to 148.5, which is down about 2 lbs from last time. Which makes me happy. And I know I have been exactly great this week with my eating but I have managed to keep the binge monster mostly at bay. I have been on the verge, and have been snacky, but haven't gotten to a full fledged binge.

Yesterday was an ok day eating wise. I had oatmeal with a banana for breakfast. I have pictures, but I didn't load them yet and I have to make this a quick post so I don't have time to post them.

The important thing that happened yesterday was my urge to snack even though I realized I was NOT hungry in the afternoon. I made a cup of tea instead and then go so busy at work that I didn't even have time to drink it. Which is pretty funny, considering I was moments before wanting to break into my snack stash. 

I ran 3 miles last night which felt great.  I also had some so-called friends on Facebook attack me  like we were high school girls. It was ridiculous, honestly. Needless to say they have been deleted. My DBF was quite appalled as well, but he's a guy and doesn't understand what these peoples problems are. I do, simply they are jealous. Of what, I'm not quite sure, but there are some serious issues there. However, I am not really friends with them, so I care not. 

Today is my middle child's birthday so I will be taking him out to eat. I will probably be having a salad, if I stay strong.  Maybe that isn't the right mentality, but I don't what the right one would be so I'm going with what I know, even though it hasn't always worked out so well for me.

It's coffee time for me and got to get running for work. I've got some great leftovers for lunch, hopefully I'll have a chance to post the pictures tonight. 

well, dinner was a blow out

uh, which means it was non-existent. I can't do that I know. I had a bagel this morning for breakfast and a banana. Work was a little on the quiet side and by noon I was very hungry. I know that a bagel and a banana does not hold me, and yet I keep eating the bagel at Nanny's in the morning. I need to just not do it. Don't go into the kitchen, but yet I keep doing it.

I've been reading this book and I'm almost done with it

It is one of those books. It has made me think of things and realize things I hadn't thought of in a long time. It also makes me want to read all of the classics I somehow missed.

I was starving for lunch and I had a Big Salad

with lots of veggies, artichoke hearts, edamame, cranberries, sunflower sees, faux crab and a couple of crackers. I caved and had a 200 calorie Kit Kat bar and then went to the Dr.'s office immediately after work. It was a squeeze in appointment and when I got to the office the nurse there was leaving and said, oh no, he's at the Pines office. So I took off to go to the Pines office and made it in time. By the time I got to Nanny's house I was hungry. And here is where the problem starts.

She had popcorn shrimp there for me (about 250 calories worth) and then of course I had a small piece of bread and then when I got home I had some saltines crackers. None of it photographed. And of course, due to me getting home late and not feeling well, I didn't do any work.

Ugh. Therein lies my problem. I knew I couldn't and wouldn't have time for exercise, so I tried to limit my food intake and then in the end wound up probably eating more calories than I would have if I would have just eaten dinner. I perhaps need to remember this.

I'm going to bed early, watching Biggest Loser Finale and hope to be feeling better in the morning.

How Do You Find the Time?

'm not sure how the people I know that do daily blogs find the time to do the daily blog. I have pictures of all the food I've eaten since Sunday. And you know, I find that taking a picture really helps me to stay accountable to eat what I've said I'm going to eat. Well, except for the baked chips I had last night.  They were in lieu of the dinner I prepared because I had it all made but just didn't feel like eating it, so an hour and a half later, I was hungry. And I had about two portions of those chips.  

I'm running late for work now, but will find time to upload pics later. Dinner on Sunday Mother's Day was a macadamia encrusted tilapia and was really good.

I also had a smidge of mashed potatoes and a smidge of broccoli casserole along with a roll.

I don't have access to this site at work so I won't be able to write again until I get home from work. I am going to ride the bike for an hour after work today and do some weights, upper body and abs.  

Therapy session yesterday as well.  I'm feeling better about myself and things, but I'm not sure if that's because of therapy, this blog, or the exercise. Or maybe a little of both. Either way I suppose the important thing is that I am feeling better. Now if I can just have some consistency with that.  I've felt better and had exercise as a routine for 6 months before and easily lost it. So apparently that whole 21 days to a habit thing doesn't really work so well for me. Or maybe, I stopped exercising for 21 days and changed my habit.

In other unrelated eating news, exciting changes at work keep me really busy throughout the day. And challenged.  AND, I'm planning a summer vacation with the boyfriend.  That is something else that is fabulous and scary at the same time.  Those of you who know my relationship whoas can understand.

Ok, I've really got to go finish getting ready for work and wake the kids.  I'm always running late, why is that??

Accountability and Mother's Day

I'm looking for some accountability and the usual methods aren't working. I tune in to several blogs on a daily basis and I was thinking that maybe if I wrote down what I was going to eat and posted pictures here that it would help to keep me accountable. You know?   Well, I don't really expect a response since no one really knows about this blog.  

In addition to this, I'm announcing that my weigh-in dates are on Thursdays. I changed it from Tuesdays because, this allows me to have a little flexibility on the weekend and time to do damage control by weigh in day. Now, this may or may not be the best way to go about it. I'm sure that will be something I discuss with Dr. K tomorrow. My therapist who specializes in eating disorders. Another source of accountability. I also have a lot of friends on the WW board that I know would help keep me in check. But I need more. It hasn't worked. It won't until I decide to make it work.

All of this has to come from within.  I know this now.

And with that said, it's Mother's Day. My children woke me up this morning with a card and a gift bag. I have a really special Aunt who made sure that they had something to give me. See, I'm a single mom, in case you didn't know, and while I do have a boyfriend, it really isn't his job I suppose, to make sure that my kids have something to give me on Mother's Day. Not to mention that he lives like, two hours away. So they woke me up, gave me some beautiful gifts and a card. With that, I got up and went to make coffee. I'm not a morning person, so I tend to move a little slower in the am. Especially before coffee.

Then I made breakfast: Oat bran custard w/strawberries, bananas and a dollop of almond butter. On the side was a happy Arnold thin w/a spread of some strawberry jam.

That was breakfast. 

I got the idea of posting pictures from some other blogger friends of mine. I figure if I have to write about it here...I may be less apt to eat junk. But I promise to write about it here if I do.

I'm off to get dressed and go to my Uncles' house for the day. It's our typical holiday retreat spot as he has a pool and the kids love to go in it and I love to sit out on his lanai and read a book while they do. Usually several family members follow me out there but I'm ok with that, usually. I'll try to take pictures of what I eat there.

New Perspective

I went to boot camp this morning.  I didn't feel like doing it, to be quite honest and the only thing that gave me the motivation to go was that I knew Debbie was going because I was going and that I didn't want to let her down.

Well, I'm certainly glad I went.

I hadn't worked out in quiet awhile, like a month. And I have been feeling very out of shape, but I knew Deb was waiting for me, so I got my butt out of bed and I went. And I'm so glad I did.

Apparently, I am not as out of shape as I feared and I also need to remember the feeling that i have right now, the good feeling. This feeling will stay with me if I stay with it. 

It was a combo of intense strength training and cardio spurts. The biggest complaint. Why do they call that move "burpees" Because you are going to burp up your insides after you do a set of them?? They are honestly heinous. And because of this, probably something I should do more often. 

There were women of all sizes there, oddly enough no men, other that the trainers from they gym. Perhaps because men don't feel that boot camps are manly enough. And don't get me started on the argument I almost got into with one of the participants of the boot camp on "toning" and how low weights are right for women. Seriously?? I started to engage and then realized, why?? I will most probably never see this woman again and I don't even care what she has to say about this topic. So I put on my plastic smile, nodded my head and said oh yes, of course. BAER

I also may have found a drink to use to take my greens with. 10 calorie vitamin water. I'll try those next.

In other random weekend news, Happy Mother's Day to all you out there!

It's been awhile

It's been awhile since I've written. And a lot has happened. But no one really reads this, and Facebook notes aren't where I can be totally open and honest and for some reason I feel like I need a safe place to write about my struggles.

Because I'm struggling. And I have been. Since the 1/2 in February I ran I haven't exercised and I haven't eaten properly. I guess I really wasn't eating all that great before the 1/2 either, BUT when you are running 20 miles a week and you are burning hundreds of calories a day then I suppose the eating is not too big a deal. It does explain why I didn't lose and only maintained when I was in training.

Anyway, a lot has happened since I last wrote. First, as you gathered from above, I ran a 1/2 marathon. I also have a boyfriend. A really great guy who I went to high school with.

But my sister is still gone. And I miss her. I can't seem to find a way to channel this grief. So instead, I go through periods of either starving myself or shoving food in my face. I haven't gotten to the place where I am going to purge but I've thought of it.

YES, I am seeing a therapist. I just started and she specializes in Eating Disorders so I am hopeful that I will be able to realize what and why I eat rather than try to just lose the weight. I need to know what the problem is, I know what the symptom is.

So hopefully posting here will help. Me, but if it helps one of you then so much the better.

up and down, up and down

well, I lost those 2 pounds and then some, and now this week I am up again.  I know that I am doing everything I should be. I am also exercising like a fiend. And I feel really good about that.

I will not despair. This weight, will come off eventually, if has to. Resistance is futile. I mean, it can't stay around forever can it? If I keep doing what I am doing. Or just eat more veggies. I mean at this point I am just not sure what I should and should not do.  Other than just keep on doing it. 

Like I have always said, giving up in not an option.